Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Ten questions to consider before you marry

As marriage becomes more and more possible for LGBT people, it behooves us to really consider what it MEANS to be married.   This post from the HuffPo is a superb reflection on the things YOU need to consider before you jump into marriage. From addressing the Money Issue, to contemplating children, the boundaries you'll have, extended family, God and dreams....all of these are HUGE questions that you need to consider.  Because you should enter into marriage with the expectation that it is FOREVER.

And if you are straight, the questions are JUST as relevant.  Well, they would be.....marriage is marriage. Go, check it out!
1. Are you prepared for mutual financial responsibility? ...
2. How will you resolve conflict? ...
3. What is your growing vision of your family? ...
4. How will you parent?...
5. What are your priorities regarding extended family? ...
6. What is the state of your intimacy, and how will you protect it? ...
7. What is your spiritual plan for your family? ...
8. How will you mutually nurture your careers and avocations? ...
9. What is your mutual loyalty agreement? ...
10. What are the terms for the end of your relationship? ... 
... It is not the warmest and fuzziest article you have read on the subject of same-sex marriage, but I feel like it may be one of the most important as you work toward your ultimate happiness, which is what I dearly and fondly wish for you. Fight for your rights, demand the choice to marry the love of you life, and when that happens, make it right. Opposite-sex married couples are only at the 50-percent success mark. Let's do it better.
I am lucky that my wife and I very communicative with each other.  We're hyper verbal, and we generally don't go silent.  And probably it makes it much easier that we have similar habits with money.


When our marriage was blessed in the Episcopal church, the priest who preached said, "you should always be asking, 'no, what do YOU want?' and MEAN it." He was right. As long as it's a gift freely given, and not a martyrdom, that generosity has stood us well.  The "us" is so much bigger than "you" and "me".  Marriage is a daily gift to me.  I hope for you, too.






3 comments:

JCF said...

Because you should enter into marriage with the expectation that it is FOREVER.

Um, that's for Mormons.

For Christians like Episcopalians (are there other Christians like Episcopalians? O_o), it's just "until we are parted by death" (I've always considered that "Time Off for Good Behavior". Heaven's going to be a very "poly" kind of place. ;-p)

Seriously, IT, good post.

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JCF said...

Ah, if we only believed what our spammers told us... ;-/