60 years: a love story (Why it Matters)

From Oregon Public Broadcasting:

This is the story of an Oregon couple. They married in Washington after more than 60 years together but were racing against the clock.
....
But one couple that made the rainy trek is trying to meet a different kind of deadline. 

Eric Marcoux and Eugene Woodworth have been together since they the day they met in Chicago in 1953. 

“I am here today to be legally married to Eugene Woodworth, with whom I have had an intimate deeply committed relationship for a little over sixty years,” Marcoux says.
Marcoux is 83 years old and Woodworth is 85. 

They can’t marry in Oregon, where a constitutional amendment outlaws same-sex marriage. When same-sex marriage was legalized in Washington last year, they didn’t rush across the state line to get married. 

“No, no, no….” says Woodworth.

“We wanted to have it in Oregon,” Marcoux explains. 

But Woodworth has been diagnosed with congestive heart failure, and he’s been given weeks to live. They’re getting married today with the hope that Marcoux might be eligible to receive social security benefits as the surviving spouse.
....
The couple say today’s ceremony is merely a formality. But Woodworth chokes up as his partner slips the ring on his finger. 

“And now by the power vested in me by the state of Washington, I declare you to be legally married. And you may kiss,” the judge finishes the ceremony. 

“We met sixty years ago and this is the first legal thing. It’s such a pity we had to wait that long, ” Woodworth tells the judge. 

After the ceremony ends, the two make their way out to their car for the 20-minute drive home to Oregon.

“We made it. Wonderful we made it,” Marcoux says closing the door.

Missouri Fail: Why it Matters

So, a policeman in Missouri was killed in the line of duty.  What happened to his family?

On Christmas Day 2009, Missouri State Trooper, Corporal Dennis Engelhard was hit and killed in the line of duty when a car hit an icy patch and veered out of control. He left behind his partner of 15 years, Kelly Glossip, and Kelly’s son who they were jointly raising. 

The Police and Fireman’s Fund held a fundraiser for the parents, at which they ignored Engelhard’s spouse and child. The State Troopers issued an obituary stating that Engelhard was ‘single’ and the Governor asked people to pray for his family, who who “lost a beloved son and brother.” 

And, naturally, claiming that Glossip was just “a boyfriend”, the state refused to provide him with the survivor benefits to which any spouse is entitled and which are intended to help the family go on after an officer is killed. 

Glossip sued. And today the Missouri Supreme Court ruled that Glossip had no rights. Not because of his orientation, oh no of course not, but because of the gay yarmulke, marriage laws. Although they had exchanged rings, they weren’t a family. (OzarksFirst)

So, let's get this logic straight.

Glossip gets no benefits because they weren't married.

The state won't let them marry.

But this isn't because he's gay, it's because he's not married.  After all, if Glossip were a woman, she wouldn't get benefits.

REALLY?  if Glossip were a woman, she could have married Engelhard!  And not to marry would have been a CHOICE.

It seems to me that to avoid this, any gay couple who wants any chance at protections has to travel to a state that allows marriage.  We saw this in Ohio, which doesn't allow same sex marriages, but where a judge ruled in favor of the recognition of a couple married out of state on a death certificate.  That's the only wedge.  Otherwise, they can continue to treat couples like this.

Illinois can't wait; Why it matters (video Sunday)

Illinois is dragging its feet on equality. Here's a story of how that delay has tragic effects.

Why it matters: legal spouses still denied federal benefits

From Think Progress

The Social Security Administration announced on Friday that it will begin offering partner benefits to same-sex couples, but in a limited capacity, adding that it has additional “policy and processing instructions” to develop over the coming months. As BuzzFeed reports, however, the benefits will not be applied as consistently as some other federal benefits have been made available to same-sex couples since the Supreme Court overturned the Defense of Marriage Act. 

For now at least, only married same-sex couples who live in a state that recognizes their marriages will be eligible to receive the Social Security spousal benefit. This is inconsistent with other benefits, such asrecognition for immigration purposes, which rely entirely on “place of celebration.” In other words, a same-sex couple could marry in Minnesota and move next door to North Dakota, and one spouse could still sponsor the other for a green card, but that spouse couldn’t receive spousal Social Security benefits because they’re in a state without marriage equality.

The solution is that for all Federal Benefits to depend on whether the marriage was legally performed in the state where it was celebrated, and not tie to to the domicile of the couple.  Either that or all gay people will have to  leave the States of Hate.

UPDATED-- DOMA decision repercussions in Ohio: Why it matters

Two weeks ago, John Arthur and Jim Obergefell flew from their Ohio home to Maryland to marry. They did it in a chartered plane with speciality medical equipment, because John is dying of ALS. Upon return to Ohio, they sued to have their marriage recognized, so that Jim could be listed as "husband" on John's death certificate.

And yesterday, a federal judge ruled in their favor.

Throughout Ohio’s history, Ohio law has been clear: a marriage solemnized outside of Ohio is valid in Ohio if it is valid where solemnized. Thus, for example,under Ohio law, out-of-state marriages between first cousins are recognized by Ohio,even though Ohio law does not authorize marriages between first cousins. Likewise,under Ohio law, out of state marriages of minors are recognized by Ohio, even thoughOhio law does not authorize marriages of minors. 

How then can Ohio, especially given the historical status of Ohio law, single outsame sex marriages as ones it will not recognize? The short answer is that Ohio cannot … at least not under the circumstances here. 

By treating lawful same sex marriages differently than it treats lawful opposite sexmarriages (e.g., marriages of first cousins and marriages of minors), Ohio law, as applied to these Plaintiffs, likely violates the United States Constitution which guarantees that”No State shall make or enforce any law which shall … deny to any person within its jurisdiction equal protection of the laws. 

The end result here and now is that the local Ohio Registrar of death certificates is hereby ORDERED not to accept for recording a death certificate for John Arthur that does not record Mr. Arthur’s status at death as ‘married’ and James Obergefell as his ‘surviving spouse.'

Marriage matters, even unto death.  And the DOMA decision from SCOTUS is already reverberating.  John Aravosis writes,

I really think the court granted us nationwide gay marriage in all but name. Yes, the way they did it requires us to go state-by-state and strike down individual state-DOMA laws, but that was the genius of the court’s decision. They paid homage to the notion that the court shouldn’t upend the “democratic experiment” taking place in the states, while at the same time coming up with a decision that basically leaves the states no wiggle room to say “no” to marriage equality for gays once the state DOMAs are challenged. 

So yes, it will take longer for us to get marriage in 50 states – thus a nod to the notion that the court shouldn’t change everything nationwide immediately – but at the same time, they pretty much guaranteed that we’ll win. And this Ohio ruling is quite possibly the first evidence of that fact.

Meanwhile, those of you so inclined might put John Arthur and Jim Obergefell on your prayer list.

Update:  the Attorney General plans to appeal, even though the Court's ruling is specific to these two individuals and can have no possible bearing on any other Ohioan.  From Think Progress:

The day after a judge issued a temporary restraining order requiring Ohio to list Arthur’s husband as his “surviving spouse” on his death certificate, DeWine announced that he wouldappeal this decision and try to strip a dying man of his final wish.
There are marriage equality cases with sweeping national implications. This is not one of them. The judge’s order is limited exclusively to Arthur and Obergefell..... 

Yet, while Ohio has nothing to gain from simply complying with the judges’ order, Arthur and Obergefell have a tremendous amount to lose. Thanks to DeWine’s appeal, Arthur will spend his last days unsure whether he and his husband can someday lie together in his family burial plot. The two men’s final moments will be poisoned by uncertainty over their lawsuit.... 

There is a common refrain among marriage equality’s opponents that discrimination is necessary to remove some kind of “threat” equality poses to straight couples’ marriages. This case is a put up or shut up moment for these voices. ...Who does DeWine think he is serving by filing this appeal? 

Someday very soon, Obergefell will go home, lie in an empty bed, and confront for the first time the prospect of a life without his husband. In that moment of loss, he believes he will find some comfort if the State of Ohio acknowledges that he feels the same pain that he would have felt if he were married to a woman. That’s what DeWine wants to take away. And it will gain the people of Ohio nothing.

Update 2:  the AG will not appeal after all.

Why it matters: TX judge forbids lesbian from living with her partner

From ThinkProgress:

Compton could lose custody of her children because she has the audacity to live with the woman she loves. 

According to Price, Judge John Roach, a Republican who presides over a state trial court in McKinney, Texas, placed a so-called “morality clause” in Compton’s divorce papers. This clause forbids Compton having a person that she is not related to “by blood or marriage” at her home past 9pm when her children are present. Since Texas will not allow Compton to marry her partner, this means that she effectively cannot live with her partner so long as she retains custody over her children. Invoking the “morality clause,” Judge Roach gave Price 30 days to move out of Compton’s home.

This is obscene.

Progress in Illinois and Rhode Island

After the election, where the pro-equality side won not 1 but all 4 battles, we thought there would be some momentum.  But who thought it would be this fast?  It feels like a log jam is breaking up.

In Illinois, there may be a vote as soon as today by the legislature about marriage equality, which is endorsed not only by the "usual suspects", but by the chair of the Illinois GOP and President Barack Obama.

A profile of a lesbian couple and their family explains why it matters.

And in Rhode Island, there may be a vote by the end of the month.

More on both states at Salon.

Happy New year, indeed!

Why it matters: Gay Divorce

It's bad enough we don't have marriage protections.  But if a legal same-sex marriage breaks up, the consequences through divorce are just as bad--if not worse.

To give you an example of the Gay Divorce Tax , consider what happens when splitting a retirement account.  Eric and John are both 50 years old and are breaking up. As part of the divorce, they need to split a $500,000 401k that is in Eric’s name.  If they were straight, they could do QDRO (Qualified Domestic Relations Order) and relatively easily split the 401k in half. Both would end up with $250,000 each in a retirement account.  But the QDRO wouldn’t be available for Eric and John.  To pass the money from Eric to John, first they are subject to the Gay Divorce Tax.  

Eric would have to take a taxable withdrawal from his 401k.  The $250,000 would be subject to income taxes and penalties that  could be 33% or more. It could include a 10% premature distribution penalty, state income taxes of 9.3% in California, and it may be subject to gift taxes as well. If the divorcing couple proceeded this way, Eric could be hit with tax bill of $75,000 or more before even dealing with gift tax issues.  Also, keep in mind that the leftover money that John does receive will no longer be in a tax-deferred retirement account such as an IRA or 401k, and there  aren’t  options to quickly get large amounts back into tax deferred accounts. 

The Gay Divorce Tax is just one reason same-sex couples need to talk about divorce.

Why it matters: "partner" vs "spouse"

This is a great description of why civil unions/domestic partnerships just aren't the same. Yes, the word matters. That's why Referendum 74 in WA matters and why Prop8 matters.

 "[T]here is a world of difference between calling someone your ‘partner’ and calling them your ‘husband’. ‘Partner’ is a word that should be preserved for people you play tennis with, or work alongside in business. It doesn’t come close to describing the love that I have for David, and he for me. In contrast, ‘husband’ does. A ‘husband’ is somebody that you cherish forever, that you would give up everything for, that you love in sickness and in health. Until the law recognises David Furnish is my husband, and not merely my partner, the law won’t describe the man I know and adore." - Elton John

Edie takes on DOMA (video Sunday): why it matters

Edie Windsor is suing the government because when her wife died, she was hit with a massive tax bill that would not have applied if she had been marriage to a man.  She's inspiring!

Why it matters: DP couple STILL faces discrimination

From The Las Vegas Review Journal:

 On the wall of their Henderson home, Brittney Leon and Terri-Ann Simonelli proudly display their certificate of domestic partnership. 

Under a 2009 state law, the document gives them all the rights of married couples.
Or so they thought. 

When Leon, 26, checked into Spring Valley Hospital on July 20 with complications in her pregnancy, she assumed that her partner Simonelli, 41, could make any necessary medical decisions if she suffered unforeseen problems. 

But that's not what happened, they said. An admissions officer told them the hospital policy required gay partners to secure power of attorney before making any medical decisions for each other..... 

A woman who identified herself as public relations representative at Spring Valley Hospital told a Review-Journal reporter in a phone interview that the hospital policy requires gay couples have power of attorney in order to make medical decisions for each other . 

When asked if she was aware of Nevada's domestic partnership law, she accused the reporter of bias and hung up the telephone. ....

I love that: accuse a reporter of bias for POINTING OUT THE LAW.

Despite laws that supposedly make this illegal, it keeps happening.  Not just in NV but in other states too, even in CA, legal domestic partners who are SUPPOSED to have "the same rights" are denied those rights.   The remedy is clear.  M-A-R-R-I-A-G-E.

Sally Ride: Why it matters

We are all mourning Sally Ride, an impressive scientist and the first American woman astronaut on the shuttle.  She served her country well as a scientist and as an advocate for girls (and children generally) in science.

What many people did not know is that Sally was gay.  She was faithfully partnered for 27 years to Dr Tam O'Shaughnessy.  Thanks to DOMA, of course, Dr O'Shaughnessy will not receive any of the federal benefits that a widow of a male astronaut would receive.  As the NY Times notes,  

Ms. Ride was not a public advocate for gay rights. Still, it’s relatively easy to imagine what she might have had to say about the situation. In 1983, she was the subject of endless questioning about being the first American woman in space, a lot of which focused on things like whether she would wear a bra or makeup in space. At a NASA news conference at the time, she said: “It’s too bad this is such a big deal. It is too bad our society isn’t further along.”

Our condolences to Dr O'Shaughnessy.  

Ride, Sally, Ride!

Why it matters: it could happen to you (video Sunday; hanky warning!)

I dare you to watch this and not cry.

Why it matters: the one left behind

From Philly.com:

....when Marilyn succumbed to ALS in 2005, Diane couldn't sign the death certificate, donate the body to medical research, or collect Social Security......

Six years later - after civil unions became law and the Legislature passed a marriage-equality bill that Gov. Christie promptly vetoed - Diane still can't legally call herself a widow. A Superior Court judge's ruling last week gave gay couples renewed hope, but Diane remains stuck in the financial quicksand that traps the surviving spouse of same-sex unions.

...same-sex survivors are subject to punishing federal estate taxes heterosexual couples don't face.

State-by-state marriage-equality laws are a positive step, but what gay couples deserve is federal recognition. Then and only then, Orman said, O'Donnell could leave her wife "$100 billion and she wouldn't have to pay one penny."

I really believe that the only way the opposition can justify this kind of ill treatment is because they really DO hate us.

Why it matters: together for 64 years

From NY Magazine:  

After 64 Years Together, Louis Halsey and John Spofford Morgan Finally Got Hitched....being gay was a great equalizer then. And being married is a great equalizer now. “People say, ‘So if you’re married, where’s the certificate?’ ” Lou explains. “Now we have it.” The pair ignored domestic partnership when it came along (“A halfway step,” says John), and since they had already invested in the complicated legal work-arounds—trusts, powers of attorney—needed to protect one another, they didn’t see the point of claiming marriage rights in, say, Iowa. But when the law passed here in June, they knew they would take the step. “Just to see it in black and white,” says Lou. For John, “it was more like finishing something.” 

The small ceremony, with a minister and three witnesses, was held in their Village apartment on November 11, a date they chose because they have for years noticed the time 11:11 on the clock by the bed. They did not exchange rings and got no gifts, “except bourbon!” Lou says. “But he”—he waves at John—“started to cry.” 

“Did I?” John wonders.

From NY Magazine

 And just how, pray tell, is the marriage of these old men together for 64 years going to hurt ANYONE else?

Why it matters, vs the bigotry of Rick Santorum

From my friend the Rev. Susan Russell's blog.  I'm sure she won't mind me quoting in full, this one's a keeper. 

This week I had sad news from two long time friends. One was a clergy colleague who lost his wife of 55 years to a long illness on New Year's Eve. The other was an ECW friend who lost her partner of 23 years on Christmas Day. 

Both are now coping with their own grief and loss while planning services to celebrate the lives of their beloveds as they claim the resurrection promise that in death life is changed -- not ended -- and the sure and certain promise that God's love never ends. 

And one of them is also having to deal with frozen assets in bank accounts while trying to pay funeral expenses; "proving" her next-of-kin status in order to carry out the last wishes of her beloved; facing the financial challenge of no "standing" in terms of Social Security survivor's benefits. 

Meanwhile, in Iowa, the Republican presidential poster child for political homophobia Rick Santorum proclaims: "Ask me what motivates me, it's been the dignity of every human life." 

Unless it's a gay or lesbian life. In which case, he argues that gay relationships “destabilize” society, wouldn’t offer any legal protections to gay relationships and has pledged to annul all same-sex marriages if elected president. 

Seriously. 

I know, I know. Everybody says the "Santorum Surge" is going to be short lived and he won't be able to stand the scrutiny of a front-runner and he's not electable ...and, and, and. 

And yet as my friend prepares bury her partner of 23 years, the airwaves are full of Santorum's anti-gay messages that have nothing to do with human dignity and everything to do with homophobic bigotry masquerading as Christian Family Values. 

No wonder Jesus wept.

Susan is an out lesbian, an Episcopal priest, and relentless advocate for LGBT equality.  NExt time someone tells you that "Christians" oppose marriage, remember Susan and the church she serves.

Why it matters: military families

Charlie Morgan is a married woman in active military service.  She has breast cancer.

Even with repeal of “don’t ask, don’t tell,” the pair face all sorts of limitations not imposed on opposite-sex military couples. Because of the Defense of Marriage Act, for example, Karen Morgan is denied health coverage worth well in excess of $10,000 a year. She also cannot get a base pass that would let her escort their 4 1/2-year-old daughter to medical appointments on base or shop at the commissary. 

These serial injustices are especially concerning now that Charlie Morgan’s cancer has returned. She worries about how her family will manage if she dies, since the law denies same-sex spouses death and survivor benefits. In the fall, she became a named plaintiff in a federal lawsuit challenging the Defense of Marriage Act’s denial of equal protection. 

“I have a question I’d like to ask John Boehner,” Charlie Morgan said, taking note of the House speaker’s decision to spend taxpayer money for lawyers to defend the act. “I’ve proved I’m willing to put my life on the line for my country. When will he allow the military to protect my family?

We're waiting, Speaker Boehner, and candidate Santorum.  Just how does  hurting Charlie's family "protect" marriage?

Why it matters: marriage is good for your health

From the Boston Globe:

It turns out that legal marriage for gay couples reduces reliance on health care and decreases medical expenses, according to a new study being published in the American Journal of Public Health. 

Researchers analyzed health data from a group of gay men in Massachusetts for the twelve months before and the twelve months following the legalization of civil marriage for same-sex couples in mid-2003. 

The results? 

The number of visits to health care facilities dropped significantly. Accompanying costs went down as well. 

How can this be?  Because when you are an equal citizen, and have equal rights, a very significant source of stress and ill health in your life is eliminated.

Marriage is good for people.  Shouldn't we encourage stable relationships and mutual respect?

Why it matters: Ed Watson dies without equality

From the LA Times:

Derence Kernek and Ed Watson became prominent faces in the California gay community's campaign for the right to marry when they urged a federal appeals court earlier this year to halt the enforcement of Proposition 8 so they could wed before Watson succumbed to advancing illness. 

On the eve of a Thursday hearing on challenges to a 2010 ruling that the voter initiative banning same-sex marriage is unconstitutional, Watson died at age 78 of complications from Alzheimer's disease, diabetes and hypertension. 

Gay rights activists lamented Watson's death as a reminder of the harm inflicted on same-sex couples throughout the state because they are denied the right to marry.

So, I'm sure NOM founders Brian Brown and Maggie Gallagher are happy over this. After all, Ed and Derence  have been devoted to each other for 40 years, but have been prevented from irrevocably damaging marriage, while Brian is off supporting marriage by supporting the campaign of serial adulterer Newt Gingrich.  Hypocrisy, much?

Why it matters: lesbian binational couple forced apart

This is a great article from SheWired about the real human costs of being a binational same-sex couple.

As I sit here writing this, a few hours from now my wife will be waking up on her 44th birthday without me by her side. I know that she’s already struggling with this idea because at 4 a.m. UK time I received a text that read, “Laying here drowning in my tears, I miss you so much, I can’t stand being away from you. You are the only one who will make me whole. Need you!”

Quite honestly I didn’t know how to respond, as any words I have to offer won’t change the fact that I can’t give Inger what she needs for her birthday; me there with her.

The real costs of DOMA and Prop8 are ignored by the Roman Catholic and Mormon hierarchies who finance the prejudice against us. And increasingly, I find it to be hatred--unChristian, brutalizing, bigoted hatred. Why would a true Christian want our families to suffer? But they do not consider us families, and I believe they do not consider us human.

Taking liberties with Shakespeare,

Hath not a gay eyes? hath not a gay hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a hetero is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die?

And too many of us ARE dying, apart and alone. And that's what they want.