It's not the finish line

Frank Bruni writes how, even as marriage advances, it still is a statement to be out.  THere's still an "ick" to overcome.

One especially interesting discovery in the Glaad poll was how much unease lingered even in respondents who formally approved of gay marriage or of civil unions with full benefits. Twenty percent of these people said they’d nonetheless feel uncomfortable attending a same-sex wedding.

for example,

About 30 percent of the respondents who didn’t identify themselves as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender said that it would unsettle them to learn that their physician or child’s teacher did.

Close to 45 percent said that they would be uneasy about bringing a child to a same-sex wedding. Thirty-six percent feel uncomfortable when they see a same-sex couple hold hands.

He concludes,

I never lose sight of how far this country has come. My relief usually eclipses my rancor. But to celebrate or to slide into complacency is grossly premature, and it’s wrong, because I have every right to walk the streets of my neighborhood fearlessly, no matter whose fingers are interlaced with my own. Our clutch isn’t a taunt or provocation. It’s just an expression of tenderness — of basic humanity. In a world altered and advanced enough, it would be an innocuous, unnoticed part of the scenery.

Talking to a gay person can change minds

Why we have to keep coming out and telling our stories.

Some anti-gay voters in California changed their minds five time faster than their neighbors on gay rights, according to the new study. The secret? Openly gay activists went door to door, engaging these conservative opponents in “heartfelt, reciprocal and vulnerable conversations” about what marriage meant to them, according to a press release about the study. The activists didn’t just push gay marriage, they made a point of listening to their opponents' concerns and experiences, the release said.

 The other thing is, the effect lasted.

Voices of Faith: an evangelical for marriage

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Voices of Faith

Presbyterian minister Mark Achtemeier talks to Candace Chellew-Hodge at Religion Dispatches about his new book, The Bible's Yes to Same-Sex Marriage: An Evangelical's Change of Heart.

I really like his description of marriage:

Marriage is this arena where we can totally give ourselves to another person in body, spirit, and life and commitment and grow in that total gift of self which winds up being an image of Jesus’ total gift of himself for us.

Achtemeier used to be ardently opposed to marriage equality, and considered being gay "like drinking poison".  But no more:

 One of the things that was powerful for me in breaking out of that mindset was testimony about the blessings that came to gay and lesbian people through their committed relationships. Early in the book I talk about a conversation with a friend who said they knew all about identifying sin in their life and repenting of it, but when they thought about marriage to their partner, that’s what brought out the best in them and helped them learn love and self-sacrifice and nothing that needed to be repented of.

That really struck me that it sounded like my marriage.

The other thing that took me a long time to wrap my mind around is that an awful lot of Evangelicals really haven’t grappled with recognizing that this is not something you could choose your way out of. There’s always this sense of, “If you really tried hard, or prayed hard enough, you could come around.” Again, my gay friends would say, “Why on earth would I choose something like this? Who needs all this trouble?”

I think it’s the willingness of gay and lesbian people in sharing their stories that finally got it through my thick head that this isn’t an optional lifestyle, it’s a given.

Yet another reason why we must continue to come out !   Minds do change!

Times are a-changing

From the New Civil Rights Movement, an op-ed by a Colorado senate candidate announcing his support for full equality.  This is the thing that jumped out at me:

On a personal note, my 92-year-old grandfather is a decorated WWII veteran and an openly gay man. He has been with the love of his life, Joel for more than two decades. He served his country honorably, fighting for the freedoms we enjoy today. Religions and some private institutions are free to exclude others as they see fit, but the government must be in the business of inclusion, not exclusion.

Firstly, Grandpa is one brave soldier.

Second, another example of what happens when we come out and live honestly.  With LGBT folk coming out at younger and younger ages, and refusing to ever enter the closet, the era of "not telling" is passing. In 50 years, I sincerely hope that being LGBT will be no more remarked upon that being left-handed.  The closets will all be empty.

Coming out: a Republican converts

Ohio Senator Rob Portman (R) has recently come out in support of marriage equality. He is the only sitting Republican Senator to do so. Why? For the most time honored of reasons:  someone he loves came out.

Two years ago, my son Will, then a college freshman, told my wife, Jane, and me that he is gay. He said he’d known for some time, and that his sexual orientation wasn’t something he chose; it was simply a part of who he is. Jane and I were proud of him for his honesty and courage. We were surprised to learn he is gay but knew he was still the same person he’d always been. The only difference was that now we had a more complete picture of the son we love. 

At the time, my position on marriage for same-sex couples was rooted in my faith tradition that marriage is a sacred bond between a man and a woman. Knowing that my son is gay prompted me to consider the issue from another perspective: that of a dad who wants all three of his kids to lead happy, meaningful lives with the people they love, a blessing Jane and I have shared for 26 years.

 Richard Soccarides writes

The real example of courage in this story, however, comes from Portman’s son Will, who is twenty-one years old. Will Portman came out to his parents over two years ago. Imagine what it was like to be a Yale freshman (as he was at the time), coming to terms with your sexual orientation and having to come out to your father, one of the most prominent conservative members of the national political party that has historically been identified with opposing the rights of the group to which you now belong....Will Portman proved, once again, that the most powerful political act any gay person can take is coming out.

Or as Harvey Milk said

Gay brothers and sisters,... You must come out. Come out... to your parents... I know that it is hard and will hurt them but think about how they will hurt you in the voting booth! Come out to your relatives... come out to your friends... if indeed they are your friends. Come out to your neighbors... to your fellow workers... to the people who work where you eat and shop... come out only to the people you know, and who know you. Not to anyone else. But once and for all, break down the myths, destroy the lies and distortions. For your sake. For their sake. For the sake of the youngsters ...

Hypocrites Hall of Fame

Do you ever wonder why it's always Republicans who get caught in gay sex scandals?  It's the pernicious effect of the closet.  There's a need in some gay men to validate their choice to remain in the closet, and use it as a sniper's nest against those of us who live honestly.   And, since many of them only have sordid and anonymous sex, rather than real relationships, they assume that's all any of us have.

Salon has a great slideshow of a number of Republican snipers who worked in the past, or are working against LGBT rights.

Here's a great quote, from Barney Frank about CA representative David Dreier, who is widely assumed to be gay.

When Barney Frank was asked if Dreier was not elected House majority leader because he was too “moderate,” Frank replied: “Yes, in the sense that I marched in the moderate pride parade last summer and went to a moderate bar.”

Voices of Faith Speak Out: being gay is a gift from God

From Episcopal priest Ed Bacon:

I believe it is no longer enough for LGBT people to come out and let the world know who they were created to be, although that continues to be a courageous and transformational act. It is time for Christians to come out and let the world see the Church as it was created to be: a vehicle of love and justice, not a bastion of bigotry and homophobia.

It is time for people of faith to speak out against the religion-based bigotry that has for too long fueled the fires of homophobia that perpetuate violence against LGBT people and plant the seeds of self-loathing in LGBT youth.

And it is time to take to heart the words of Rabbi Abraham Heschel, who famously said, "Few are guilty, but all are responsible." I may not be guilty of the religion-based bigotry that has wounded countless members of God's beloved LGBT children, but I am responsible for offering a counter-narrative to the lies that have been told about the God I serve -- the God of love, justice and compassion.

My faith tradition teaches that the truth will set you free -- and the truth is: God loves.

The truth is: love trumps.

And the truth is: Being gay is a gift from God.

Ken Mehlman: another Republican comes out (video)

It should be noted that Ken Mehlman, former chair of the Republican National Committee and former chair of Bush's re-election campaign, has come out as gay, and in support of marriage equality.

But Mehlman was intimately involved with the Bush campaign that cynically relied on anti-gay ballot measures to get out the vote. Although today he says,

I understand that folks are angry, I don't know that you can change the past. As I've said, one thing I regret a lot is the fact that I wasn't in the position I am today where I was comfortable with this part of my life, where I was able to be an advocate against that [strategy] and able to be someone who argued against it. I can't change that - it is something I wish I could and I can only try to be helpful in the future.

I think that comes down to, "I couldn't do anything about it". Although turns out, he was in the thick of it.

"I think the issue was injected when a liberal court in Massachusetts said they were going to redefine a 200 year old institution in this country by judicial fiat," said Mehlman, who also endorses a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage political catnip for the Christian Right.-- (2006)

It's great that he's on the correct side, now. But he did a lot of damage--a lot of it. And the damage he did is why the one class of people I favor outing, is closeted conservatives who actively promote anti-gay agendas.

I'm glad he's opening his wallet and his rolodex. But if he's really going to support the community and make up for what he participated in during the Bush years, he's going to have to step up, admit it, and use his insider knowledge to defeat the dirty tricks of Roveian politics.

Which is it, Mr Mehlman?

Jon Stewart:

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Keith Olbermann:

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