Preparing for the California Decision

By law, the Supreme Court of California has 90 days to release its decision on the Proposition 8 case which it heard in March. That date is fast approaching, in early June. However, they can release the decision at any time before then. They announce upcoming decisions the day before, at the Court website. Opinions are released on M and Th at 10am, so keep looking for an announcement on the night before.

There are two questions before the court.

First, does the vote of a majority overrule the rights of a minority on a "fundamental right"? That is, was Prop8 legal on the ballot, and even eligible for popular vote? Is taking away a fundamental right that the court has identified, a revision of the Constitution, or a mere amendment? Ken Starr admitted during arguments that the Pro-H8 view was that any minority right was at the whim of the voters. He actually said no rights are inalienable. This isn't just about marriage equality. This means that the rights of religious groups to practise their faith, or of ethnic groups to vote and fully participate, are, according to Ken Starr, completely reversible--an astonishing idea!

It's useful to remember that if inter-racial marriage, allowed by the CA courts in 1948, and by the US Supreme Court in 1967, had been put to the voters, it would not have become legal until around 1994. It wasn't until then that a majority of Americans felt it was "okay" for blacks and whites to marry--and it is arguable that if it hadn't been legal already, "approval" would have taken even longer. Importantly, the Constitution exists in part to protect the minority from the majority. We don't put the rights of the minority to mob vote. Or do we?

The second question is, are the same-sex marriages that were legally performed between May and November of 2008 still legal? Pro -Prop8 advocate Starr says those marriages (which include mine) ceased to exist legally on 5 Nov 2008, making this a retroactive decision. The court seemed less comfortable with the argument that the proposition could "reach back" in this way. Of course, leaving these marriages legal would create an awkward legal situation where there are two classes of gay people in the state: those who married, and those who can't.

The general consensus of pundits following the arguments in March was the the court was against us on the first issue, and possibly for us on the second issue.

And look what's happened since then. Iowa. Vermont. New Hampshire. Maine. Washington DC. Joining Massachusetts and Connecticut, with New Jersey coming along. And unexpected voices in favor of gay rights. And a recent poll suggesting Americans actually favor same-sex marriage rights by a narrow margin .

Will the California court temper its decision with this groundswell? Some think so, though this seems too hopeful; most reviewers doubt it. Still, we cannot deny that there has been a major, and rapid change in the climate. It's also useful to remember that the California legislature passed a marriage equality bill TWICE before the initial decision, which was vetoed by the governor, on the grounds that the court should rule first. The court subsequently ruled, in May 2008, that all citizens have a fundamental right to marry the person of their choice. Very similar to the words used in the landmark Perez v. Sharp decision of 1947, that overturned California's anti-miscegenation laws. It would really be unprecedented for fundamental rights that have been approved by both court AND legislature, to be eliminated by a mob vote, but of course that doesn't mean it won't happen.

So, we have work to do. We must assume that there will be a new ballot initiaitve in 2010 regardless. You can support that, and learn more here, at Equality-CA and here, at the Courage Campaign . There are more advocacy sites in the sidebar.

But HUGELY important is, We have to respond to the decision, whether pro or con. If you are in California, you can participate here. Many CA cities will have an event, whether to celebrate or to protest. This is critical. If our community doesn't care, who will? Remember the power of the November march when we all came together.

Additionaly, activists plan to meet in the middle the weekend after the decision, in Fresno. The idea being that it is the "heartland" of California that passed Prop8, and therefore we have to take the argument to those voters. If you can possibly get to Fresno that Saturday, please do. Check the Day of Decision or Join the Impact websites for information, including Twitter and Facebook links. I know that Amtrak serves Fresno on the San Joaquin line.

Amidst all this, I hate the fact that I still have this insistent little bird of hope. It's tiny, just a little thing. The realist in me expects the worst, and the problem with having a little bird of hope is that it is so agonizing when it is killed, yet again. It is so much worse to feel its death than not to have heard it to begin with.

But at least the agony of waiting is almost over. Work and life have suffered enormously from living in this limbo, which has been corrosive in so many ways. Let's get it over with, one way or another, let's know the worst, and then move on to the next step.

Original version posted at Friends of Jake

IT's story

In October 2008, my Beloved Partner (BP) and I were married. I can honestly say it was the most joyful day of my 46 years. Unfortunately, November 4th came far too soon, and that was my saddest.

BP and I have been together for many years. Truthfully, she is the light of my life. We're pretty typical of any other married couple. Our day to day is about work (I am a college professor, BP a senior administrator) and the regular stuff of real life, like cleaning the house, or working on the garden, rather than about politics or advocacy. We live a boring suburban life in a nice neighborhood. We like to go to the theatre and go hiking. We don't look any different from any other vaguely-earth-mothery professional women of middle years. We "pass". But now we find ourselves thrust into an advocacy role.

Like many in our position, BP was married previously. She has two children, and she and her Ex divorced when she came out. Divorce is always painful, but everyone came through it in the end, and BP is still extremely close to Ex who is a fine man. The kids, now in their late teens, handled it all remarkably gracefully. Indeed, when she was still in school, the oldest used our relationship as a test of sorts. "If people have a problem that my mom is gay," she explained, "they aren't really my kind of people." The children have been the center of our lives; I'm not a typical step-parent, because both their mom and dad are both present and very involved. In fact, it would be possible for an outsider interacting with our family at the PTA or a soccer game not to realize that BP and Ex are divorced.

Before BP, I was all about the career and was a very lonely person. When BP came into my life, it's as though I suddenly could see in color, instead of shades of grey. My parents and family have all been incredibly supportive of my middle-aged coming out and have welcomed BP with open arms.

Our wedding brought everyone together and the kids and Ex as well as my siblings were all active participants. ( I'll write more about our wedding in another post). The arguments against our marriage are so frusturating, and based entirely on a mistaken idea of who we are and what it means to us.

First, of course, we have kids too! Marriage helps protect BP and the kids if something were to happen to me, or vice versa. The absence of same-sex marriage is not going to change the fact that many gay people are raising families, and doing a very good job of it.

Additionally, we're also frustrated by the religion question. BP, who is Roman Catholic, did not ask, and did not expect, her church to marry us. But she had hoped for at least a truce. Instead, the vitriol from some of the Catholics and the hurtful rejection of her secular, civil rights as a gay person has sent her away from her childhood church. But she has found an explicit welcome at the Episcopal church (which I've described elsewhere), where we as a lesbian married couple are actually wanted and affirmed. We'll explore more of the religion questions on this blog later.

Meanwhile, I've written a lot more about our experiences on the group blog Friends of Jake. Additionally I will re-post some of my previous posts from Friends on this blog as we go along.

Do you have a story to tell, about what it means to be gay and married? Let me know in the comments, and I will turn it into a post.

Frances and Cynthia

Great new ad. About time that actual, you know, married gay people were featured in the ads about gay marriage!

A new blog: welcome

Why yet another blog? Because the court has left us in an odd position. About 18,000 same sex couples in California joyfully married between May and November, 2008. During that time, the sun went about its appointed rounds, no earthquakes dropped the state into the Pacific, and in fact, not much changed in real life.

Now, we exist in a legal limbo. Our GLBT brothers and sisters can't marry. We are the ambassadors for gay marriage in California, but also for the rest of the country (or at least the 45 states where it remains illegal).

So on this blog, I invite you to tell your story, as a married GLBT person . (If you post it in the comments, I will convert it to a real post). Of course, anyone is welcome to enter into the conversation -- married, single, gay or straight. We'll discuss the arguments that have been used against us, and develop talking points to defend our right to marry. However, this isn't a blog where the idea of gay marriage is to be debated. This blog exists with the viewpoint that all of us should have the right to marry the partner whom we love. If you don't agree, maybe we can persuade you. But in the end, I'm not interested in hearing yet again why the opposition thinks I'm wrong. I'm interested in how we can make it right for all of us.